Language Rant, Part 1

There are certain habits people have when speaking or writing in English that chafe me like a marathon runner in a burlap shirt. This will be the first of several rants on the subject.

• Let's start with "expecially". It's supposed to be "especially". Oh, and it's "espresso", not "expresso".
• "Irregardless". What editing genius at Merriam-Webster allowed this word to become acceptable?
• "Anyways"- Why do people always pluralize this word? You wouldn't say "You can go any ways you want to get there.", would you?
• "I says"- I hear this one often when people are recounting past conversations. "I says, 'that can't be', and he says, 'yes, it's true', so I says, 'get outta town!'". It's "I said"!
• Inappropriate use of apostrophes! I can't stand that. You should never randomly insert an apostrophe into a plural. For example, "tomato's" does not mean the same thing as "tomatoes"; it means the subject belongs to someone named Tomato. Also, inappropriate use of quotations- people often use them to add emphasis, but they shouldn't be used that way. For example, when a sign reads "Buy one, get one “Free"", it makes it seem like there's a catch and the second item really isn't free.
• Since when should anyone ever "axe" a question? A friend of mine once said he "axed" a girl out, and I thought that sounded horrible, and I should probably call the cops!

OK, that's all for now. Stay tuned for more.